It's Not Just About Self-Control

I had a moment of road rage this week. Trust me, it's not something I’m proud of. I confronted a lady who was tailgating me. While we were both stopped at a red light, we exchanged harsh words, and to be honest it felt good in the moment.

After the frustrating interaction, my body was activated into more anger and I started thinking of all the things I could've said to feel even more justified and right. I was mostly shaken by the how riled up I was at this stranger. Everything in me wanted to correct her poor behavior.

Eeek! Talk about raw and honest.

Be honest, acting out in anger can feel good in the moment, can’t it? Sometimes there’s nothing else you want to do but to give in to that anger and unleash your meanest, baddest self onto the person that triggered you. And you do!

When your body is provoked by an injustice, it wants to respond. It's wired to respond. There's relief when you're able to release that emotion, and unfortunately it usually comes out really messy, ugly and unkind. 

I know anger too well. I've shared a portion of my struggles in some of my past blog posts, but I'm still on a journey. There are a lot of layers involved and things I still have to discover. Recently, I’ve been asking God for wisdom in the area of self-control in relationship to anger.

I started looking into Romans 7 where Paul talks about his own struggle with sin, or doing things he knows he shouldn't do.

Let's read the verse first:

"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.  I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." (Romans 7:14-15 NLT)

We are innately corrupt and immoral. No matter hard we try, we fail, make mistakes, and act out. We strive, push, control, give up, or cope as best as we can, but we do not have the physical or emotional ability to act how we should. This is such difficult news when we start to de-escalate from an explosive moment or poor decision.

Anger in itself isn’t bad. We actually need the emotion in order to set boundaries and indicate we are actually human. Anger can actually be a great indicator. Yet, all growing up, I would often erupt in rage, mostly because of trauma (another story for another time), and I thought I just needed more self-control. I thought I just needed my behavior to change and right thinking. While all that is important, it’s not the whole story. It’s not always about our choices. Sometimes it’s more about our body’s “radical inability” to respond correctly or act appropriately, especially when trauma is being triggered.

I think this is the essence of what Paul is saying in Romans 7. It’s not just about doing things he shouldn’t do, but the harsh reality that he physically can’t at times.

“For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 7:22-25)

The geek the word for “members” is mélos, mel'-os; of uncertain affinity; a limb or part of the body. [1]

Paul isn’t just talking about his emotions, he’s talking about his body, his nervous system, his limbs, his members at war with his mind! His body still holds sin. What grief Paul expressed knowing he couldn’t follow God’s law the way he should. It’s a real depiction of Paul facing his own body that holds sin.

In his article for the Gospel Coalition  What's Really Going on in Romans 7, Will Timmins explains Paul’s words like this, "

“Like a computer virus, sin has entered inside the system (“living in me,” vv. 17, 20), where it has impaired all operations (my bodily “members,” v. 23) from functioning according to their original design (carrying out God’s good law, vv. 16, 18, 19, 21). This radical, systemic impairment results in an inability to accomplish the good. It means we have a radical moral disability. We’re incapacitated”

As painful as this sounds, this verse kind of gives us a sigh of relief in a dark way. Maybe all your life you’ve thought that if you think right, you’ll act right. If you just had more self-control, then you’ll be good. While self-control is needed, I don’t think it starts with that. I think it starts recognizing the war going on in your body and bringing your own physically impairments back to the cross.

It starts with what happened at the fall with Adam and Eve (Genesis 3). It starts with what Jesus did at the cross to take on our inabilities, impairments, and sin. It starts with death and grief. As Timmins puts it, “we have new identities in Christ, but not new capacities.” This doesn’t excuse us from making holy choices or submitting our will to God (Romans 6:1-2), instead it makes us more aware of the war going on within and aware of our need for God and his wisdom. [2]

When we can face ourselves like Paul does through his words, if we can take our impaired selves to Christ, a renewal can happen. We recognize our radical inability and look to Christ to restore us back to who he created us to be. It’s moment by moment, and poor response after poor response. It can look like this:

I grieve after a moment of rage and when I lack self-control. 
I hope in God’s forgiveness and open arms. 
I grieve when I don't know how to do what's good. 
I hope when the Holy Spirit leads me back to life.
I grieve when I can’t think or act rationally.
I hope when God leads me to practical steps that help my body regulate.
I grieve when I yell at a stranger.
I hope for a renewed moment when I can notice my trigger sooner, and ask God to give me wisdom about the wound.

Because there is death, there is also signs life.

This is a picture of a God who is present with us and working the fruits of the Spirit through us. A picture of God loving us even when we sin. A picture of God expressing joy and delight about us even when don’t trust him at times. It’s not just about self-control for each moment, but more about being restored back into relationship with God for all eternity, and the glimpses of glory and holiness that keep us moving.

We won’t ever rid of ourselves of sin or corruption. We can however experience freedom in lot of our sinful areas. Like Paul says, we will battle, but thank the Lord Jesus Christ that it’s not the end of the story.

Resources

Note [2]: When it comes to physical impairments and pitfalls we face in our bodies, we may need to consult our doctor as well. We can pray for wisdom AND talk to our doctor, and that can lead us to the right medication that will help balance the chemicals in our body.

Inspiration, DevotionalsVivien Reed1 Comment