The Harder Thing
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
Do you ever scroll through social media or talk to a friend and immediately feel like you're not doing what you should be doing? Maybe the feeling hits you at odd times in the day when you’re washing dishes or typing on your computer.
When you're layers deep in comparison or just feeling low self-esteem, it can be really hard to pull yourself out of it. Sometimes we physically can't stop the downward spiral because there’s an imbalance of hormones secreting through our bodies. We say things like:
"What I'm doing is pointless."
"I've been here before, and it's not getting me anywhere."
"Why do they get what I want."
Any statement that starts with: "I'm never going to _________".
There's no shame if you feel these things, we've all been there. I've definitely felt dispirited for long periods of time towards my own work or place in life. Then the pity party starts, and I even raise a glass to cheers my negativity.
To cope, we look to easy things. We escape the worries, we fight the negativity, or we freeze up. These are all natural responses when things feel too heavy or insurmountable.
For me the easy thing is rely on my own wit or things that will automatically get me approval to make myself feel better. Things like a clean house, a well curated wardrobe, or being a good friend to others without showing kindness to myself. I rely on these coping strategies to feel a sense of control.
The harder thing is to show up to things I can't control. The harder thing is to keep writing, to love people I don't agree with, to repair an angry moment with my son, or to talk about God when others don't believe. The harder thing is to notice the despondent feelings, but not let them steer my decisions. The harder thing is to talk about the harder things!
There are times we need a break from the heavy heart issues. (Read my post Pause: Part Two where I talk about that.) Sometimes we just need to play, just be, or zone out in front of TV. Sometimes the weight of the burden exceeds our capacity to carry it.
Then, there are times we need to face the harder things. Things that don't come with automatic applause or recognition. Things that may or may not result in a good outcome.
Doing hard things is lonely.
Are you feeling lonely?
Maybe you’re facing a hard thing right now that makes you want to run the other direction. For this I say, I see you and I’m with you.
Let’s face our hard things square in the eye. Let’s write out in big bold letters "THIS IS HARD", then take a step toward it. The pain will be there, but let it flow through your body until it leaves. Like labor pains, they will contract all your nerves to produce an outcry, but IT.WILLNOT.LAST. What will last is faith produced through your perseverance.
When you do the harder thing, you may show up to a silent room with no one to say "Good job!" You may show up to more pain or to the sun making its way out of the shadows. Regardless of the outcome, do the hard thing anyway.
This could mean taking a walk when you want to punch a wall or taking your medication. This could mean submitting work you've been sitting on, sticking to your budget, or putting work down to rest. Whatever it looks like for you, you’re among fellow humans like myself doing hard things in private. You’re not alone.
You'll probably still feel weak doing it, but that is how we strengthen our muscle memory. When we keep showing up for hard things, we teach our body that it can trust us to take it to a better place. We rewire our minds to make new connections that lead to safety. And, we submit our spirit to the holy One who knows what’s good. We won’t do it perfectly or consistently, but it’s not about that. It’s about showing up anyway, no matter how messy it looks or feels.
The good news is, you’ve already done one hard thing. You read this entire post and are considering how to move forward. That in itself is something to celebrate!
Apply It
What hard thing do you need to face this week?
Voice what’s hard about it.
Ask yourself, “What can I do right now that I can control?”
Ask yourself, “What do I need to let go of that I can’t control?”