I’m an extrovert through and through. I thrive when I’m around people, connecting with others, or meeting new friends. Road tripping alone goes against my natural impulse to be with people. It wasn’t until I took my first solo retreat 8 years ago that revealed a whole new side of me I never knew. I did it on a whim and it was the most refreshing gift I’ve ever given myself. It was the first of several, and I can now say I love solo retreats! Time passed and life happened, so I wasn’t able to take another trip until recently. A couple of weeks ago I shared a little bit about it here. I’m so grateful to my husband for encouraging me to do it.

It is so valuable to get away just us, but I know how difficult it can be to say yes to a trip like this. Whether you’re on the fence, have wanted to go for a while, or you’re a definite no, here are some tips that will help you say yes to your own personal retreat. You’d be surprised by how much you need and love it!

The Prep Work

one : Practice Solitude

It’s hard to say yes to anything without knowing what it’s like. How often do you get away to be alone, even if it’s just for a day? I’m not talking about isolation or getting things done. I’m talking about solitude — unhurried time alone where your heart and hands are open to receive all that God has for you. Solitude is a sacred act of worship, and Jesus consistently modeled this for us in the Bible.

“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”
Luke 5:16 (NIV)

The first and most practical thing to do before booking a retreat is to practice solitude. Get away for half a day, a whole day, or even just the morning. Leave your phone on silent, bring a journal or a book, or spend some time exploring and hiking. You’ll be tempted to accomplish tasks, run errands, catch up on emails, balance the budget, etc. A retreat is not the time for that. To get the most of out of your time, you’ll have to practice setting those things down. Choose an activity to receive from God and reset your mind. The more you do this, the more prepared you'll be for several days alone. This tip is good for anyone hesitant or for those that haven’t gone in a while. Practice solitude by filling your time with things that breathe life into your bones.

two : Identify Your Obstacles

What keeps you from taking a solo retreat? Is it time or money? Is it your motivation? Is it fear that says “I could never be alone that long!” Try to name what stands in your way and unpack those obstacles. Get real with yourself about what holds you back. Work through them practically and emotionally. There are always more options than you think!

Time and Money. If the obstacle is time and money, how many days are doable without breaking the bank or your schedule? Can you cut back on coffee or clothes to save for a trip instead? Do you know someone who owns a rental property a little farther away from home? If you have kids, can you ask for help from those who have said “Let me know if you need help with the kids”? They wouldn’t offer if they didn’t mean it! If your obstacle is time, that could indicate a deeper obstacle like motivation or how much you value a solo retreat.
You already live alone. If you live alone, you may be tempted to just do a stay-cation. Maybe it’s hard for you to get away because it feels a bit too indulgent. I see it differently: you’re held accountable to fewer things and people so that’s even more reason to go! Just because you live alone doesn’t mean you always retreat alone. Get away from your normal routine, familiar surroundings, and tasks screaming from your own kitchen. Gift yourself with new scenery. I know it can feel pointless to book a trip just for you, but that’s my point — It’s a gift! Once you take the step and book it, you’ll quickly discover how healing it is. It’s all about being kind and generous to your own body and soul.
Fear. If the obstacle is fear of being alone, what is behind that fear? What do you imagine happening during your retreat? A simple solution to this is to book a trip near someone you know. I chose to book a place near a friend. She lives an hour away from where I stayed, and since I drove, I was able to see her on my way. This filled my “people” cup, and then I spent the rest of my time alone. If I needed someone, she wasn’t too far away.
Value and Motivation. If your obstacle is motivation or “I just haven’t gotten around to it”, this is when I would implement the practice tip. Take a morning retreat and see how it goes. After some practice, set a realistic goal that motivates you. Make the goals small, specific, do-able, and set a time stamp. Example: "On Tuesday, I’ll look into Airbnb’s or hotels to book a trip for the Fall.”

three : Define Your “Why?”

One night, I collapsed on the bed next to my husband and started crying. I felt such despair and the words “I need to get away, I feel burnt out,” spilled out of my mouth. I shared my heart and in response Aaron said, “Well, if you need a trip, let’s make it happen.”

Oh, sweet, sweet husband!

In that moment I could’ve said, “No, I’ll be okay, I’ll just tough it out.” Yet, if I refused his offer, I wouldn’t be doing him, myself, or my son a favor. I chose to go on a solo retreat because I knew the reward was greater than the sacrifice — Aaron would have to take time off of work, I’d have to trust that we could afford it, and I’d be alone! I whispered, “Okay, I’m gonna do it."

Out of that conversation, I found my focus. I wanted to take walks, write, and read. I was going to recharge. When you book a solo retreat, what would your focus be? Book a place based on your focus.

Whatever your why is, store it and guard it so you can be fully present when the time comes. Regardless of when or how you do it, ask yourself these questions:

1. Why you’re going?
2. What do you hope to feel when you return?

The Retreat

Now that you’ve said yes to a retreat, here are a few practical tips on how to fill your time well.

one : How many days will recharge you?

When it comes to solo retreats, the 1st or 2nd day is usually filled with sleeping, getting used to being alone, and settling into your space. It takes time to clear out distractions and detox your brain from your regular schedule. Account for the “settling in” phase. Then, purpose the rest of your days on what you came to do. In my opinion, a good number of days is 3 or more. If you have more, take more!

two : Pack just enough.

Don’t pack too much, but just enough. This one is hard for me. If I have alone time, I usually want to fill it with things I don’t usually get to do by myself. I was tempted to bring a ton of books and extra clothes just in case I wanted to be fancy. I chose to bring two books and comfortable clothes so I didn’t feel pressure to do more. I wanted to go for a hike and focus on books I haven’t finished, so I packed for that purpose. Pack in such a way that helps you stick to your reason for going.

three : Gift yourself with space.

When I was planning my trip, I considered staying close to home, but I knew I needed space from my regular routine and neighborhood. I also wanted room for my body to move freely. I chose a 3 bedroom home in Amish country and I loved it! I didn’t need all that space, but it was affordable and I felt loved by taking the space. There was hardly any cell service, but it was close enough to larger, populated towns. I enjoyed being away from the noise and I didn’t feel pressure to shop, run errands, or see all the sights. As you look into hotels or Airbnb’s, this is where you can choose to BE KIND and GENEROUS to yourself. Give yourself space. If you have the means to, book an entire house or somewhere further away from home! You’ll thank yourself later.

four : Go to play!

Explore, dance, browse local shops, run, and breathe! Move your body. Be silly, enjoy good food, paint or color. Drive and pull over to the side of the road to watch the sunset. Do things that make you smile. You’ll feel uncomfortable smiling alone, but it’s so healing. One day during my retreat, I found myself blaring music and dancing until sweat beads dripped down my forehead. It was a blast and my body thanked me for it! Give yourself permission to play.

The Blessing

A big reason for writing these tips is to help you experience refreshing before you burn out like I did. I hope you say yes to a solo retreat LONG before you’re desperate or in despair. I know how easy it is to talk ourselves out of a trip because the value gets lost in the details. We find it easier to gift someone else with care rather than ourselves. We say, “How can I afford it? Is it actually worth it? I can just do something at home!” These thoughts are good to ponder, but use them to move you forward, not hold you back.

Retreats give you the time and space to reflect and just be. To reevaluate your priorities and reinstate health, wisdom and perspective. A solo retreat is the practice of self-compassion and saying yes to healing. The practice of paying attention and re-aligning your spirit with God’s. For him to speak to your enough-ness. Several hours is great, but imagine the things God can reveal when you book several days.

As you consider when to do this and how, I’m here to speak blessings on your time. I bless your finances and time with provision to do it. I bless your solitude with joy and an awareness of God’s love. I bless your plans with ease and to work out just the way it should. I bless your thoughts with peace and trust. I bless your body with the space to move. I bless your retreat with unrestricted access to God’s generosity and joy. He is your strength and guide. Follow His lead as you take steps to be free.

Reflect
What are your biggest obstacles when it comes to practicing solitude or taking a trip?

Tips on How To Take a Solo Retreat